My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
