Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
