My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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