so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
