woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
