Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
