so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
