The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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