mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
