the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
