Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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