meet me or not, i'm out of control
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My dick has a subreddit
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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