Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
