He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I want to make a zoo with you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
