I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
