the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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