you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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