My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
