@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
