grandma shit on top of the toilet
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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