im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
