this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Randomize
