haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
