What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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