handjob tips. give me some.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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