This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
