i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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