Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
