her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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