you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You are a genius and a whore.
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