fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
