Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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