That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
