I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
