yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
