I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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