Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
