I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
