I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
