just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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