wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
