what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
