It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
