My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
