What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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