im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
