she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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