I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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