I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
