hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
