I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
