saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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