she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
