i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
