apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
