Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
