You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you had me at cake vodka
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
