Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
