i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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